Pearl Girls: Have Grad. Am Sad.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Have Grad. Am Sad.

Kimberly- Clark’s stock prices should skyrocket because I’m using tons of Kleenex these days. My oldest daughter, Melissa graduates from high school next Friday. What has surprised me most about this magnificent milestone is my unexpected sadness.

These past few weeks I have been sorting through unorganized boxes of pictures in a last minute attempt to put together a DVD. I hope to pack the DVD along with some other special items into a vintage 1950s sky-blue suitcase that Melissa has admired.

This gift of a suitcase is a symbolic blessing of my letting go to let her grow. Melissa is ready for her journey into adulthood, but I was not prepared for my tears. I still have so many things that I want to teach her and so many words I still want to say (and admittedly so many words I wish I had never said).

Today I discovered an interesting podcast by Dr. Beth Erickson, host of Relationship 101 on Web Talk Radio. Dr. Beth discusses effective ways to navigate the family life cycle stage of “launching adult children.” She explains that “this triumphant time of graduation is also tinged with sadness” as our children physically leave home. She assures moms that this feeling of sadness is natural and normal and that we shouldn’t try to brush it aside. Dr. Beth says we should “feel the feelings, let them dissipate and then they will disappear.” To proactively deal with the grief that “nothing will ever be the same again,” Dr. Beth suggests we find ways to become our child’s biggest cheerleader. She reassures us that in time life will “re-stabilize into a new normal.”

So the next time a young toddler smiles at me from a grocery cart seat and waves “bye-bye,” I won’t blink back the tears. Instead, I will pull the Kleenex from my purse like a rabbit from a hat and sob in the produce aisle. Please forgive me if any of your plums taste a bit salty.

Please share your experiences and advice about “launching your adult children.” I would love to hear from you.

Labels: mostly margaret

2 Comments:

At June 1, 2011 12:12 PM , Louise Masin Sattler said...: Dear Margaret-

I know exactly how you are feeling as we became an "empty nester" when we graduated our youngest child last year. I recall just sobbing at old photos, his baby blankets and even a pacifier I had kept. I recall a quote which I will paraphrase. I had read it many years ago- "Mothers prepare for their children leaving for college the first day they enter kindergarten while fathers are hit much harder as graduation sneaks up on them." This is the darn truth. So although I was really sad, I had to be so mindful of my husband who also was "grieving" for the "loss" of our little kids who before our very eyes grew up and were now young adults.

Now fast forward- I am happy to report that a year later we have all adjusted to a new normal. And it appears that we are now "smarter" than ever as the kids are calling us for all kinds of advice and just to talk. I never would have predicted that outcome!

So cry now. Be sad. But know that there are very, very wonderful days ahead.

xo- Louise
At August 24, 2011 10:05 PM , Suzan said...: Hi Margaret,

Congrats on the grad!

We need your help to raise awareness. And, please, pass this information on to your precious daughter.

Last summer Amy Rae Elifritz went from being a healthy and happy 20 year old with her whole life ahead to losing her life in a matter of days . . . sadly, this could have been prevented.

Did you know that tampon related Toxic Shock Syndrome is real, relatively common, and can be deadly? Last summer when Amy experienced flu-like symptoms the fact that she was menstruating seemed unimportant. A few days later, on June 13, she died from Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS).

Lisa Elifritz, Amy’s Mom, founded You ARE Loved to help raise awareness about the link between tampons and TSS with the goal of saving lives. This summer, our new non-profit organization is seeking to mobilize bloggers to help spread the message and is inviting you to write a blog post on this important topic.

I encourage you to read this note, check us out on Facebook and Twitter, read our informational brochure, view a two part story by the Indianapolis CBS affiliate WISH-TV (part 1 and part 2), see what others have done as a part of our blogging blitz (page of links), and also to do your own research.

When you write about TSS and You ARE Loved, please share the url so that we can include it on our links page.

Thanks in advance for considering the opportunity to partner with You ARE Loved in our effort to raise awareness about tampon related Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS).

Suzan Hutchinson
TSS Survivor
Director of Connectivity
suzan@you-are-loved.org
http://you-are-loved.org