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Even Me, guest post by Alece Ronzino

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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Even Me, guest post by Alece Ronzino

I knew the entire 18 months that my husband was having an affair.

At first it was just a suspicion; by the end, we were fighting every single day about her. He kept denying it. And insisting that the real issue was me. How dare I accuse him of something like this?!
Until I confronted him with undeniable proof.

I don't know what I thought would happen after that. I don't know that I was thinking at all. But I certainly didn't imagine everything that's transpired in the year-and-a-half since then.

I never anticipated the bottom completely falling out of my world, making every single thing in my life uncertain and unsure. I never expected him to leave me for her. I couldn't imagine that things would get far worse long before they'd ever start getting better.

I wonder if I'd have gone through with it if I had known what would happen.

I was so crushed, depressed, and broken, that I'm not sure I would have. And that breaks my heart.

It also makes me realize that---and I'm almost afraid to say this out loud---I'm grateful. With tears streaming down my face, I'm thankful that my life shattered to pieces... because I am already more whole than I was before all this happened.

Don't get me wrong. The past few years have been hell. They've been harder than I ever imagined I could survive, and I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. Even her.
But sitting here today, I have a clearer picture of my value and worth than I ever did in my marriage.

I still have a long road ahead of me. I will live with the pain of this heartache for a long time. But today... Today I feel hopeful that God is redeeming this.

He doesn't waste a thing.

Everything can be made new. Everything can be redeemed. Everything can be made whole.

Even this.

Even me.
___

Alece Ronzino moved to Africa at 19 and pioneered Thrive Africa, a ministry focused on training indigenous leaders in the poorest region of South Africa. Her journey of faith is a mix of grit and glory. Mostly grit.

Visit her blog
 Follow her on Twitter
 Learn more about Thrive Africa

posted by Margaret McSweeney @ 7:30 AM

9 Comments:

At October 5, 2010 9:56 AM , Blogger Heidi C Stephen said...

It's fun to see you on this sight today, Alece!

Awesome post. You encourage me so much. Your focused devotion to Jesus - even when it is so incredibly difficult - and your abundant willingness to keep being molded by Him in hard ways is such a source of hope for me and so many others.

I am so sorry that you have to be going through this but I want you to know the hope that you always instill in my heart EVERY time I read your blog. (which is, of course, EVERY time you post something ;-)

 
At October 5, 2010 10:00 AM , Blogger Hi I'm Anna said...

I am glad you are finally feeling like God is redeeming this. I am encouraged by that. :)

 
At October 5, 2010 6:30 PM , Blogger Victoria said...

HI, Alece, Just read your post, and I am sorry to here about the hurt you've had to experience. I can not imagine the feeling of betrayal. You have always been one of the strongest women in my life, I seriously have always looked up to you and aspired to be like you. Your love for God and others is very clear, and through all the pain you've experienced your still inspiring people every day of your life! The obstacles you encounter only make you stronger. God has great things in life for you, but you already know that!
Love you, Vicky

 
At October 5, 2010 10:46 PM , OpenID cbsmom.com said...

Thank you for sharing. Your honesty gives girls like me strength. After my husband's affair I went into a dark place, I thought I wouldn't make it out. It's been four years and like you I see God redeeming the situation. He's pretty awesome like that.

 
At October 5, 2010 11:04 PM , OpenID Alece said...

heidi -- most moments it doesn't feel like i'm focused OR devoted, but i so appreciate your encouraging words. thank you. truly.

anna -- so thankful to know it was an encouragement to your heart.

vicky -- thank you for your amazingly sweet and strengthening words. means a lot today. really.

cbsmom -- in a lot of ways i am still in that dark place. thank you for showing me that there IS a way out.

 
At October 5, 2010 11:17 PM , Blogger Stephanie said...

Alece, you always inspire me! Thanks for continually sharing your heart!!! <3

-Steph

 
At October 5, 2010 11:30 PM , OpenID Alece said...

love you steph!

 
At October 5, 2010 11:58 PM , Anonymous margaret mcsweeney said...

Alece, Thank you so much for taking the time to share your heart and wisdom on Pearl Girls. You are truly an inspiration to so many people!

 
At October 6, 2010 3:32 AM , Blogger Stephie said...

I've been hearing your heart lately on your blog and your pain of late has been tangibly felt. Those of us who know this exact pain of abandonment, the betrayal, the genuine heartbreak and the life of limbo and unknowns are in a unique place. BUT FOR GOD we wouldn't make it through, over, beyond, above, to something new. Alece I love that right now in your journey you can see with your eyes that God is redeeming the place where you are. I remember my own tears and heartache that seemed to go on and on and never end but I remember that I too got to a place where I knew God was doing something, showing me the future, redeeming the whole ugly horrible situation and in that I found so much hope. Alece, keep clinging to our Lord and put all of your trust in Him. Thank you for sharing your heart and may He bless you beyond your wildest imaginations! love in the Lord,
Stephie

 

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