Pearl Girls: Guest Blogger ... Anna G. Joujan

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Guest Blogger ... Anna G. Joujan

Lord, break my heart.
I have spoken, whispered, these words to myself for the past year and a half or so, not knowing why. It has been a mysterious mantra, welling up from some unknown cavern of my soul. I felt strange, knowing my oddity. But I have succumbed to the words all the same, continuing to whisper them at random moments . . .

And so this week I cried with joy at the realization that I understand—I think—the words I have been speaking . . . the words that have been spoken to me.
I have been trudging through my faith, running so fervently to serve God that I did not notice that my eyes were no longer on Him.

My heart was cold. And I did not know why. All I knew was that I had some vague memories of days when I was consumed by a love for God, days when I could weep with joy at His goodness, at His closeness.

But no more. That must have been my youth, I figured. I must be a good, responsible adult now. I must have a good job. I must justify my existence on this planet by serving others. I must pull my weight, and make ends meet . . I must . . . I should . . .

In some hidden recess of my heart I could feel nudges of the truth of my old self peeking through. But I resigned myself to this new, practical version of me.

Until now. Until this week when I accepted the nudgings and listened to the persistent voice of my God. Of the God I have always known as Abba, Father. Of the God who delights in closeness, and who wants me to know that depth of love for Him.

I have spent the week with a sense of an awakened love affair, floating in that in-love feeling. That said, I am well aware that feelings such as this can come and go. But for now it is enough for me to know that He is faithful in answering prayers, that I am indeed His beloved, and that He is mine.

This photo is one that I snapped this afternoon, on sunset walk during which I was explaining these feelings to a dear friend. As we walked, and as I jabbered on, I suddenly paused and, noticing her beauty as the sun shone on her profile, I warned her that I just had to capture it—she kindly obliged ☺

I walk, I lift up, I lift up heart, eyes, /Down all that glory in the heavens to glean our Saviour;/And eyes, heart, what looks, what lips yet gave you a /Rapturous love's greeting of realer, of rounder replies? -Gerard Manley Hopkins

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Anna G. Joujan was born in South Dakota, as a Canadian citizen, and was raised in Zambia, the child of missionary teachers. Since her family’s move to the U.S., Anna spent her childhood and early adulthood traveling throughout the world thanks to various educational and work opportunities . . . France, China, Peru, and Jamaica being some of the stops in her journeys. Her undergraduate degree in French Literature led to a Masters in Information Sciences, and to work as a college and high school librarian, and a cross country coach. She has also returned to Zambia multiple times to teach for individual families and for local schools. All the while continuing pursuing her passions of writing, artwork, photography . . . and running to a fault. Find her at http://annajouj.wordpress.com.

Labels: Pearl Girl Book Contributors