I got off the train with a heavy heart and too much on my mind: new projects to start, old ones to complete, and questions of whether there was enough time. But if I am going to tell the truth here, I was weighed down emotionally by a negative review that had been posted on Amazon.com about my latest book. The reader called it poorly written and repetitive. Ouch!
Now, every book has its fans and naysayers. There have been books that I’ve loved and others have not, and vice versa. But this review about my book being poorly written and repetitive really got to me as a writer. Much second-guessing ensued: should I have written it with a summary at the start of every chapter, which was followed by a discussion, section by section. Did I summarize too much?
Yes, I had a bruised ego, but it was more than that. Suddenly, I was back being the straight-A student perfectionist who equated “wrong” with “bad.” I was suffering a mini crisis of confidence.
Then I got into the cab.
Leaving the train station, I had walked to the front of the cab line to take the taxi waiting there. When I approached, I could see the driver was reading. When he looked up at me and smiled, motioning to get in, I could see the book was a Bible.
As I gave the driver the address of the restaurant where I was meeting a potential new client, I read the handwritten sign he had posted on the Plexiglas shield between us. The sign was a quote from Jesus in John 14: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.”
I read the sign three times, feeling the words soak into me like water. Without judgment, explanation, or rationalization as to why I felt so bad, I admitted that my heart was troubled and asked God to guide me through the day.
“Thank you for posting this beautiful quote,” I said to the driver through an opening in the shield that separated us.
He glanced in the rearview mirror at me, and began to speak gently about how difficult it is for us to trust God even though “He has the whole world in His hands.” I heard the cadence of his African accent, and guessed he might have been from Ghana. I thought back on my own trip to West Africa twenty years ago, and remembered how easily people spoke of faith, even to strangers.
The driver and I talked and laughed all the way to my destination. When we arrived, we were encouraged by each other. I was certainly in a better mood than I otherwise would have been (which no doubt contributed to a very positive outcome to my meeting). In fact, by the end of the day, a beautiful review about the book would be posted and more positive feedback would make its way to me. But in that moment, at the curb outside the restaurant, I had the memory of a negative review and the balm of God’s promise to soothe our troubled hearts.
All of us ride in the palm of God’s hand, through good times and bad. And sometimes that loving embrace feels like the back seat of a taxi cab.
_____________________________________


Patricia Crisafulli is a writer and published author of two non-fiction
books, including the best-selling book, The House of Dimon (a profile of
JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon). She is also the founder of
www.FaithHopeandFiction.com, a free monthly e-literary magazine.