Guest Blogger ... Virelle Kidder

“Daddy’s Home!”

Pearl Girl: Virelle Kidder
Pearl of Wisdom: God is near and He never leaves.
Favorite verse: “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” (Psalm 27: 10)

I was seven when my father left. For years life in our home felt unsafe and unpredictable. My older brother Roger and I both knew Daddy was an alcoholic and had a mental illness. I loved him greatly, but that first night without him, we all slept soundly.

“Where’s Daddy?” I asked my mother after school. “Is he coming home?”

“I don’t know.” That was it. I never asked again.

So I begged God to bring my Daddy back, but He wasn’t answering either. Then one day my mother opened a letter from him saying he was coming to take Roger and me away. Friends paid for us to stay in a nearby hotel while the police waited in our living room with the shades down. They took my father to jail that night, and the next morning to a mental institution where he died of a heart attack a few years later.

That’s when secrecy became our family code. Along with it, grief and darkness moved into my heart and lived there a long time. It felt like moving through the shadows while others lived in the sunlight. I tried talking to God. My bedtime prayers turned into desperate questions cried into my pillow. Where are you, God, in all this? Why have you abandoned us just like my father? But I never heard Him answer, and eventually, gave up asking. How was I to know He heard every word?

Scroll forward many years to one hot summer Sunday in Baltimore. I was married now to my dream husband whose first job after grad school brought us to Johns Hopkins University. We’d been invited to attend church with Steve’s new co-worker and his wife. We went only to be polite. Two hours later, we’d finished a delicious dinner at their home when Keith leaned back in his chair and said, “Mind if I read a passage from the Psalms?”

My back stiffened. “Sure, go ahead.” What else could I say? Steve and I were captives at their dinner table along with our wiggling three year old. Then Keith opened an enormous Bible right to the middle. Great. This will take a long time. By now God and I were barely distant relatives. Listening seemed irrelevant and far too late. Keith read forever from some Psalm, his wife Ginny bending forward to listen at his elbow.

When he finished I said, “May I ask a question?” Steve cleared his throat nervously and looked away. “How do you know this is true? Show me where it says Jesus is God! Why do you believe this?”

Poor things. They were new believers, eager for us to share their full color world of faith. And I was their worst nightmare. But what I never expected was such extreme patience and kindness handling my barrage of questions. It provoked me to find answers on my own, which I intended to do.

First thing Monday I dug through boxes in the basement until I unearthed the old Bible I’d won in fifth grade. This stuff can’t be true like they said. After reading about ten minutes in Genesis, I slammed it shut and headed for the kitchen when a small whisper came, “Why not read it like it was true?”

What was that? Oh, well, reading a few more minutes can’t hurt. I walked back to the couch and picked up my Bible again. Instantly, I was hooked. Something had changed. I read nearly all day, stopping only for absolute necessities.

I soon found out God had dysfunctional family members, too. Lots of His children made a mess of their lives, just like my dad. I wasn’t even close to perfect either. No secret code here. God told the whole story. I was hooked.

For months I read, until one morning I simply stopped, went upstairs and knelt weeping like a small child by my bed. I begged out loud, “Jesus, if you want this stupid soul of mine, I’m yours. Please let me into Your family.” Peace came in to my heart. I didn’t understand much at the time, but I knew Jesus had answered my prayer. I couldn’t wait to call Ginny and tell her. She explained Jesus died to make that happen. He wanted me, too!

Oh, the kindness and mercy of God to welcome me Home to his family. He promised He would never leave me alone again, be my Father forever, and always speak the Truth through His Word. Nothing meant more to me then or now.

Many years have gone by, and now I marvel at the gift God gave me in my childhood pain. He equipped me for ministry to others who have experienced similar loss, pain, or disappointment in life. God’s ways are seldom easy to understand, but they are always best. He is the perfect Father who will never leave, the One whose love we can lean on every day, for He has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)

About Virelle Kidder: She is a seasoned communicator who loves speaking and writing about the reality of knowing God. She is the author of six books including The Best Life Ain’t Easy and Meet Me at the Well (both with Moody, 2008), and countless articles published worldwide.

Virelle and her husband, Steve, have four grown children and eight grandchildren and live in Sebastian, Florida. Please visit Virelle at http://www.virellekidder.com/ and sign up for her newsletter, “Virelle & Friends.”

posted by Margaret McSweeney @ 4:24 AM