The Art of Noticing | by Rita A Schulte

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Life guarantees us two things: change and loss, together they make up the unpredictable rhythm of life. They also exert tremendous pressure on the soul. All the losses in our lives are significant, and each has shaped our beliefs about life, God and the world around us, that’s why it’s critical to recognize them, no matter how insignificant they may appear. Because most of us equate loss primarily with death, we’re unaware of how abstract losses like shattered dreams and unmet expectations can have serious long-range consequences on our hearts.
   
Noticing how we experience grief involves developing an awareness of the internal and external responses to our losses. External noticing requires that we stop long enough to realize how what’s going on in the outside world is impacting our mind, emotions and physical body. External cues impact what we tell ourselves about our life and our losses. The internal expressions of grief require us to pay attention to the emotions that accompany loss. The key here is that we notice what these feelings are trying to tell us about the condition of our heart.

What You Don’t Notice CAN Hurt You

In the Disney movie, Lion King, we follow the young lion cub Simba, through a story of epic adventure. The assault on Simba’s heart begins early, when he’s a young cub. His uncle Scar killed Simba’s father, making it look like an accident that Simba is responsible for.

Simba’s heart is broken, and he lives for years carrying the guilt that he killed his own father even as he tries to live a carefree life with two new friends, Pumbaa and Timon.

Here’s what we notice from the story: Simba didn’t realize he had an enemy, and that he was in a battle for his very life. His fear of facing what happened paralyzed his ability to choose wisely. When we’re unwilling to see, we’re then left to use whatever coping strategies we can to stay alive. The problem is that in so doing, we wall off part of our hearts, just as Simba did, because the pain is too great to face. Then, we deaden the desire to hope again.

The enemy of his soul brought epic disaster into Simba’s life because he knew that to morally wound the heart is to cut off the wellspring of life. When we stop paying attention to what’s happening to our hearts, we lose part of what makes us passionately alive and fully connected to God. As our story illustrates, the results can be disastrous.

Developing a New Attitude

Noticing is what effected change for Simba in The Lion King. The voice of his father echoing from the past at last reminded him of that which he had long forgotten to pay attention to—his heart, his purpose, and his true identity. As he chose to be responsive to the truth, he was able to face his fears and return to the Pride Lands with a new perspective.

Beginning the Practice

So how do we practice this art of noticing? The spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude provide a great place to start.

The key to entering into silence and solitude begins with a willingness to abandon all distractions. Silence and solitude are an invitation to search and explore both the outward and inward dynamics of our hearts that we work so hard to ignore. Embarking on this journey requires quieting the mind and body and adopting an external awareness of what affects the five senses. Ask yourself:

•    How does doing the difficult work of grief feel in your body?
•    What do you notice in the world around you that causes difficulty?
•     How do you respond?

Practicing silence and solitude gives space for attention outwardly and inwardly to that which we usually ignore, and provides a beautiful segue for listening and learning.

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Being mindful requires we slow down long enough to experience the internal and external cues in our lives. The internal awareness is the music of our hearts, and it’s expressed through the outflow of our emotions.
Our minds struggle to keep a tight rein on them, instructing us not to cry. But tears are the heart’s attempt at healing, watering the dry and arid places of our soul, bringing us back to life and feeling.

When we practice noticing, we learn to slow down the mind and give space for learning from our experiences, thoughts, and feelings. There is a knowing and a power that comes with stillness. The disciplines were given as gifts of refreshment meant to restore and nourish our souls. When we cease all our striving and calm our minds, we may notice we can actually listen for the voice of God and receive what he has promised, that “In Your presence there is fullness of joy.”

The most important part of the grief work we do takes place in these quiet moments of silence and solitude—alone with God. It’s there that he helps us uncover our deepest fears, and speaks to them in a way that no one else can. In those moments, spent alone with God, we find out who we are and what we’re made of. But most importantly, we find out who he is and that our hearts really do matter to him.

Rita A. Schulte is a licensed professional counselor, author, and host of Heartline Podcast and “Consider This” a 1 minute devotional spot. Follow her at www.siftedaswheat.com FB at http://www.facebook.com/RitaASchulte, or Twitter at heartlinepod. Her shows air on 90.5 FM in NC or 90.9FM in Lynchburg, VA.

Guest Post | Tricia Goyer

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Even a 25 cent notebook can carry a testimony of God's work in your life.

I have a bad habit of leaving journals lying around. I love to jot down my thoughts, observations, ideas, Scripture, but I may leave my journal in the kitchen, or on the bedside table, or tuck it away with my devotional books on a shelf.

When I say journal, I mean notebook. I do have a fancy leather journal (somewhere), but for the most part I use small, ordinary notebooks, including the 25 cent black and white composition books you get at Wal-mart.

Because I pick up and put down journals all over, they follow no specific pattern. The one I pulled out this morning has notes from 2007, 2008, 2011 ... and today. Good luck to my future descendents who try to piece together my thoughts! It'll be quite the task to read my notes in the order that I wrote them.

Of course one bonus is being able to see how God has worked over the years. I can read prayers for books that are now written, printed and read by people all over. I've found notes from mission trips that we now have the photos for. I have pages of Scriptures that spoke to me at just the right time. I'm encouraged that as I've turned to God, He met me. I can see a history of His faithfulness. That encourages me today as I sit down with a cup of coffee, my Bible, and a willing heart.

For example here is something I came across from April 22, 2007.

I could fix my mind on my mission. I could write a list of plans and ideas that would be worthy to achieve. Yet I've discovered a better way.


Lord, more than choosing to be a great woman in the eyes of this world, I desire to be your servant, moldable and available for the master's use. I know when my heart changes everything will change. And may my transformation inspire one life, then another and another. And may these new lives birth hope in the hearts of others.

There is unknown potential in the seeds of an apple, but, Lord, I desire to be a tree that produces nourishing and plentiful fruit with an infinite number of potential harvests.

And then this verse:

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5 NIV

Did that encourage you? Yeah, me too. I'm glad I wrote it down.

How about you? Have you every thought about journaling? You don't need any fancy supplies or an organized system. Even a 25 cent notebook can carry a testimony of God's work in your life as you seek Him.

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Tricia Goyer is the author of thirty books including Songbird Under a German Moon, The Swiss Courier, and the mommy memoir, Blue Like Play Dough. She won Historical Novel of the Year in 2005 and 2006 from ACFW, and was honored with the Writer of the Year award from Mt. Hermon Writer's Conference in 2003. Tricia's book Life Interrupted was a finalist for the Gold Medallion in 2005. In addition to her novels, Tricia writes non-fiction books and magazine articles for publications like MomSense and Thriving Family. Tricia is a regular speaker at conventions and conferences, and has been a workshop presenter at the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International Conventions. She and her family make their home in Little Rock, Arkansas where they are part of the ministry of FamilyLife.

Guest Post | Great Worth in Small Things

Mothers who have gone before me understand and mothers who have yet to go through this stage do not look forward to it.  2012 is the year my first child will be graduating from high school and I will be learning to let go a little bit more.  There are a plethora of books on raising toddlers and there are books that guide you into your empty nest stage of life, but what about the stage where you are asked to release one child a little bit more and let God takeover.  My children were dedicated in church as infants, made the decision to follow Christ at various ages and I know God loves them even more than I do.  But while growing up they still needed me to guide them, educate them, and love them when they were hurt or disappointed.  That need is waning and what has amazed me is the amount of sadness I have felt this year as I learn to let go of my first child.

As we entered 2012 God comforted me with this verse found in Ezekiel 34:16 “I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak.”  This transition in life leaves me feeling weak and my faith small.  Crying at the drop of a hat and praying over big decisions, I am reminded once again it is God who is in control and I need to have greater faith and more patience.  The verse in Ezekiel reminds me God is the tenderest toward those who feel weak. In The Bruised Reed, Richard Sibbes writes that “Christ values us by what we shall be.”  God takes something little in our eyes and develops something of great value.  What we see as a little plant becomes a mighty tree, what the world sees as a little stable, becomes the birth place of a King, and a pearl small in size becomes something of great worth.  He has promised to strengthen the weak, take my small faith and lack of patience, and develop them into something of great worth.  He also has promised to take the small 3lb baby I had 17 years ago and develop something of great worth in him.

As I sort through the photos to create a DVD for the graduation party, I let the tears fall but have faith in the fact that God is tender towards my weakness and will provide me the needed strength.  In 2012 I pray my feelings of weakness, small faith and little patience will be refined and developed into something of great worth.  Lord knows I need it, because I will enter this process all over again when my second son graduates in 2014.   Do you think it will be easier then?  Nah, me neither. Thank God I am the daughter of a mighty King who finds great worth in small things.

 
Lori Kasbeer, a lover of all things chocolate, has a house full of boys; three to be exact, however, if you add her husband, the cat, and the dog testosterone runs rapid.  When she is not doing laundry and working full time in Human Resources for a large Florida school district, she is a Christian book reviewer for Lori’s Book Reviews. She loves to get to know people on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. 

Guest Post | Give Yourself Grace for the Day

My husband walked inside to the alluring smell of pan-seared chicken, vegetables, jambalaya and rolls. I admit, I had to take a moment to step back, give a complete and sassy neck-roll before snapping my fingers and saying, “You go girl!” After all, my entire day was spent washing the massive pile of laundry, chasing, playing, instructing and dancing with our three small children, who are all under five years old, while simultaneously cleaning the house. It was an eventful day. But it was an unusual day. When he walked in, I had a huge Donna Reed type of smile on my face and was ready to serve dinner. This day, was an incredible day. However, it does not happen everyday!

Most days when my husband comes home, my hair is in a tangled mess, at least one kid is whining about a toy they’d rather not share, and I'm scrambling around the kitchen clueless about what to cook for dinner. Some day’s it’s clear that I’ve had a stressful day and would rather run out of the house as soon as he walks in. I’m sure I’m not the only mom who feels this way.

The responsibilities that come along with motherhood, whether you’re a working mom or not, can often make us feel overwhelmed, tired and fried. I know I do. However most nights, I used to beat myself up about not having that rare happy ending. Sometimes I was just too exhausted to cook a full five-coarse meal. Sometimes I was too overwhelmed after chasing kids and had absolutely no energy left to clean up the kitchen or vacuum before bed.

But there is one thing that God constantly reminds me of. And it’s that he doesn’t require me to be a perfect woman. That’s a title the world constantly gives to us and that we willfully pressure ourselves with. We have to have it all together, and look good doing it all. Maybe in a perfect world, that’s possible. But in the real world, not probable. Instead of trying to fit the mode to be a perfect woman, we should be gracious with ourselves when we face every day challenges of life. I believe God would rather us not be so hard on ourselves, even in the midst of this crazy sometimes chaotic busy world.


My day is often spent this way:

1.    Wiping spills
2.    Changing dirty diapers
3.    Potty-training
4.    “Son, no yelling.”
5.    “Daughter, stop running.”
6.    “Listen and be obedient!”
7.    “Gosh, what’s for dinner?”
8.    “Don’t step on your sister!”

And sometimes, all of the above happen simultaneously and with no room for a deep breath in-between! But, instead of succumbing to the pressure that motherhood and wifehood can sometimes bring, I had to pray and ask God to show me how to give myself grace for the days when I need it most-- the days when I don’t get it right and struggle with the pressure of it all.

God taught me a lot about not feeling so guilty or being so hard on myself if I don’t get the chance to finish laundry, or if I forget to wipe my daughter’s face after she eats strawberries. I had to learn it’s okay that I’m not perfect, as long as I give myself grace for the day. Here are a few things I like to consider, in my attempt to be gracious with myself.

1.    Life has challenges and is busy, but God is still good.
2.    I should seek God’s joy, in the midst of my chaos.
3.    Giving thanks should be continual and keeps things in their perspective.
4.    God still loves me, in spite of my mess.

Today, I’d like to encourage you to do the same thing. Maybe you’re a busy mom, a working mom or a woman on her own unique journey. Wherever you are, I encourage you to give yourself grace-- not just for one day, but every day. Ever morning, the Lord gives us new opportunities to surrender it all to him and I encourage you to do just that. Take the day and give yourself grace!


 


Kennisha Hill is a blogger for MomLife Today, a ministry division of Family Life, a novelist and an independent author of inspirational books. She also writes at her blog, "A Cup of Grace for Women" at www.kennishahill.com. She is happily married and is a mom to three beautiful children!

Welcome to 2012! May you be Embraced By God this year!

Hello 2012! Welcome.


All of us here are Pearl Girls pray God's best for you in the coming year. We're excited to see what will unfold this year!


Here's Babbie Mason to share about her new book and what it means to be loved by God - may it set your year off on the right foot!


Embraced By God

By Babbie Mason

Have you ever wondered, “Does God really love me? Does He accept me without condition?  Do I really matter to Him?” If you’ve ever asked questions like these, you’re not alone. I’ve asked those same questions at one time or another. I’ve been a Christian most of my life and I was raised in church. I’m a preacher’s kid turned Christian singer and songwriter, and those same questions have crossed my mind, too. But do you know what I found to be true? I’ve discovered that each and every question that we have is of great concern to God. He is not far away or unconcerned.  But He loves you. He really does care.  He is concerned about what’s going on in your life and He is as close to you as your very next breath.

I just finished a brand new book entitled, Embraced By God, Celebrating Who And Whose You Are. It’s a book I can’t wait for you to read. While writing the book, I discovered some unbelievable truths. In John 17:6, I found not only did God give Jesus to us, but God also gave us to Jesus!  Think about that!  You are not a burden.  You are not a nuisance. You are not a liability or a problem to Jesus.  You are a gift to Jesus from your Heavenly Father, God.  Then in verse 23, I read the life-changing truth that God loves you just as much as He loves His own Son, Jesus. I don’t know about you, sweet friend, but that rocks my world!

Embraced By God, will be released on Valentines Day. It is a 21 day encounter. It’s 21 Days of Love, to help you understand the depth of God’s great passion for you.  You see, when you understand that there is a God who loves you and has a plan for you, you’ll never again wonder if your life matters. I’m so honest when I say this.  Since I discovered that God loves me just like He loves His only Son, Jesus, I’ve never been the same. He accepts me just as I am and will help me to grow to be the person He has planned for me to become. And you won’t be the same either. 

I invite you to Pre-order your copy of Embraced By God today.  Celebrate the greatest love relationship you’ll ever know. When you start your Embraced By God journey, you’ll be singing the love song of a lifetime. 

Oh yes! Follow me on Face Book and Twitter.  We’ve got some great things planned for the book’s release, like Face Book Parties and online Live chats.  You could win some cool stuff like a free ipad, or a copy of the book or even free music from my brand new CD, called Embrace.  

God bless you, sweet friend. Never forget you are loved. Happy New Year.

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Babbie Mason is a singer/songwriter, author, and talk show host from Atlanta, GA. You can find her on her website http://www.babbie.com. 

@McSweeney's 12 Pearls of Christmas Winner!

Welcome to 2012...

...from all of us at Pearl Girls™! We hope you enjoyed the Christmas "Pearls of Wisdom" blog series. (If you missed any of the 12 Pearls click here to read the entire series). And now the moment you've all been waiting for ...

The winner of the Pearl Necklace is: Nora-Adrienne Deret  

Also - I've got four copies of Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace to give away. I have randomly selected four winners from those who entered to win the necklace.

Those winners are:

Micky Schembri


Kellie O'Shields


Holly Hennessy Swint


Calshondra Williams

Please email amy@pearlgirls.info with your mailing address and she'll get that right out to you!

If you'd like to keep up with Pearl Girls and our new book project, Mother of Pearl, coming this spring, just click this link and sign up for our newsletter (lower left sidebar).

If you are unfamiliar with Pearl Girls™, please visit www.pearlgirls.info and see what we're all about. In short, we exist to support the work of charities that help women and children in the US and around the globe. Consider purchasing a copy of Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace or one of the Pearl Girls products (all GREAT gifts!) to help support Pearl Girls.

Thank you again for entering the contest and to all the authors who tithed their talents! All God's best to you 2012! 

Christmas Bounty

Guest blog by Patricia Crisafulli

In my family, there was nothing that said Christmas quite like squid. The son of a Sicilian immigrant, my father, Pat Crisafulli, had grown up with Italian traditions, including a meatless Christmas Eve meal of fish.

Yet, there were other early influences in my father’s life, ones that spoke of need and want. Born in 1918, he went through the Depression as a young man, and knew hunger and hardship first hand. While my mother regaled my sisters and I with stories of simple Christmases on her childhood farm in rural New York State, my father kept silent. Only later, when I was an adult, did he share the truth of having had little or nothing.

These early experiences, however, did not harden his heart. Actually, it was quite the opposite. He shared his blessings easily with others, but always preferred to act behind the scenes. At Christmas he truly showed his generous spirit, especially at his parties.

After my mother’s death, my father carried on the tradition of a Christmas open house. With changes in circumstances, including the fact that I lived out of state, the date of the festivities was moved from Christmas Eve to a few weekends before. The menu, however, never changed. At the center of the feast was my Dad’s specialty: mounds of octopus poached in lemon water and calamari sautéed in fresh garlic, and then all of it chopped and tossed into a seafood salad, which tasted better if you closed your eyes and ignored the tentacles.

Best of all, however, were the people who gathered around Dad’s table. He invited everyone he knew--literally. There might be fifty or sixty people in the house at any given time. A knock on the back door might bring in a long-time friend, an aunt and uncle, the parish priest, or the man who did odd jobs for him. Conversations spanned business to deer hunting, grandchildren to the best bait for catching fish. Laughter was the common denominator.

Looking back, I appreciate that my father practiced what Paul preached in his letter to the Romans: “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” (Rom 12: 13)

Having known so much want in his young life, Dad knew the ineffable joy of sharing what he had because of what it meant to others. He was in no better form than he was the host.

In December 2005, we had the last holiday party. At age eighty-seven, Dad could not do much preparation, but he supervised a bit. A snowstorm that night kept the crowd smaller than usual, but people still came, filling the dining room and kitchen, and spilling out into the living room. I can still see Dad sitting at one end of the buffet table, the host and guest of honor at his own party.

Two months later, Dad died suddenly; a shock, yes, but a blessing as well in that he never lost himself or his sense of dignity. His funeral brought a mix of joy and sadness, laughter and tears. And when the last hymn was played by the organist, we processed into the church hall where the women of the parish had set up everything for us. There was a party for my father, a celebration of a life well-lived and a man who knew scarcity but celebrated with abundance.

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Patricia Crisafulli is a published author of several nonfiction books,including the New York Times Bestseller, The House of Dimon: How JPMorgan’s Jamie Dimon Rose to the Top of the Financial World. She is also the founder of a monthly e-literary magazine, www.FaithHopeandFiction.com.